Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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