New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.