I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet