You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style