from now on my penis is your penis
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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