Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
