How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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