Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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