hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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