I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
