A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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