yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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