3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I looked at my own cervix.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
