dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
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i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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