I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
