also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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