All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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