imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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