I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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