Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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