Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
