I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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