I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
