You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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