2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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