i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
