he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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