Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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