First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
