do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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