"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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