Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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