He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
