I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
