Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
