There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
