I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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