This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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