i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
