is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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