I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
