You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
bring money and cleavage
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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