So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
bring money and cleavage
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I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize