ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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