is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
