Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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