a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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