I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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