I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
