Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
