I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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