That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
