we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
