i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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