everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
