there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
