Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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