Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
