I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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