I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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