Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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