Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize