My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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