I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are the jesus of drinking
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
